As a follow up question to another question, our leader tonight asked us in whom we find our identity. I know the source of my identity is in Christ. It has been recently refreshed in my mind because I'm going through Doctrine class at Mars Hill as part of the membership process. We are image-bearers of God. From day one (or day 6, rather, when man comes on the scene), God created us in HIS image - male and female. It took both sexes to reflect the image of God, inasmuch as God can share His image. He is a relational God, a Trinitarian God meaning He is always in relationship, therefore to reflect Him there had to be relationship. I digress.
So I know the right (true) answer to this question, but then it's necessary to ask a follow up question: In what or whom do I practically find my identity? Hmm...this one doesn't have such a holy, God-glorifying answer most days. It's a question that necessitates reflection.
Something that struck me tonight, in tandem with this question, was having a fellow community member comment on how dressed down I was tonight. I was wearing a hoodie and jeans with my hair in two messy buns beneath a cap...no makeup...just casual, typical, real ME. Wow. It struck me, not because I was upset or offended, but it struck me how much I worry about looking together. I want to be seen as having it together, being capable, being
good at things. I shy away from that which I know I will not do well. I crave perfection. I can't stand up under that kind of expectation of myself. So tonight I let my plain ol' self show. I didn't say much, I just was there and listened and took in the discussion around me. But I didn't shy away, and I didn't give in to pressure to look together. I will admit I showered before I went, but that just seemed considerate to the others. ;)
I'm not insinuating that there's anything wrong with dressing well or together. I
like to look together and I think that it's an important part of being a woman: dressing well. It just doesn't need to be part of my identity.
All of this ties into my desire to be in honest, fruitful, real community. I long for relationships. I want to have deep connections to others, and to see and be seen. But that, quite honestly, is TERRIFYING. Utterly, make me freeze, I'm going to die of mortification terrifying. What if they realize I'm just a big ol' mess? What if... I could list a hundred things, but they wouldn't be true. I mean, yes, I am kind of a mess, but in the Philippians 4:8 sense (Whatever is true, whatever is holy, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." And as Noah likes to tell me, Satan is
not TRUE, Auntie! And he's right! My little theologian! Satan likes to attack us at the chinks in our armor and for me that's believing lies about who I am and where I should find my identity.
So I still struggle with my identity, but I know that
truly it is found in Christ. So I'm praying and stepping forward in faith and delving into real, honest relationships and learning to be part of a community if Christ-followers.
I'll leave you with this awesome analogy, for which I can take no credit, but I wish I could. To paraphrase:
We must learn to see ourselves as God sees us: as broken mirrors. We are made in His image. When sin entered the world, it shattered the mirror that reflected God's image back to himself as well as to others. Now, through the redeeming work of Christ on the cross, God is putting us back together, piece by piece, fitting us into image reflectors once again. The more He refines and sanctifies us, the more He binds our wounds and cuts away the sin, the more whole our mirror becomes. We once again begin to fulfill our ultimate purpose in life: to bring Him glory and reflect Him to those around us. We continue to sin and form new cracks in His work, but He loves us, and He's patient. He doesn't give up and destroy our mirror once for all. He continually works as the master artist-creator to reshape us into His likeness.
