My desire, my expectation, and my actions are all headed rapidly in different directions. The only way to unite them is through prayer and in submission to God’s will. Yet this is hard because it means giving up at least two, if not all three, of these directions. His plan for me is perfect just as He is perfect. So I have to ask myself: “why is this so hard?” “Why am I having to resubmit my will to HIS every five minutes?”
I still can’t really wrap my brain around Him giving me the desires of my heart. I’ve heard it explained two ways: 1. that if my heart is aligned with His will, then my desires are His desires for me, and 2. that He will give me the fruition of these desires. So what happens when I feel like neither or only the first of these is the case? Are there desires that are God-given that do not come to fruition in this lifetime? My thought on this is “yes”, because we live in a fallen world where God allows us to desire things in accordance with His will, but because of my fallenness and the fallenness of this world and those who live in it with me, these things cannot always be fully accomplished.
So, ugh. I don’t really like this. I know that my faith and trust must ultimately be in Him, I just wish He’d make it easier. It would be so much easier to cling to Him as my all-sufficiency if He’d remove certain desires from my heart unless and until they are to come to fruition. Would that weaken my faith? I don’t know, but I know I can pour out my hear to Him and He won’t judge me. He may or may not grant my prayers, but He always answers, even when it’s with “No, I will not, my sweet child, but cling to me. I AM.”
So I’m praying...in multiple directions and for various outcomes and people depending on the hour. And maybe that’s the point: to know that no matter what I earnestly desire, He is ultimately the answer I am seeking in which to hide myself. To HIM I must cling and wait, and learn, and ask. I may not always like it, but I know it is good, and he is True.
No comments:
Post a Comment