On expectations

I've always been told not to have any expectations of others.  This stems almost entirely from the many and deep heartaches I've suffered from crushed hopes and watching others come crashing down from the heights of expectation and anticipation. There are precipices dangerously close on those highest of pedestals. The falls are often prolonged and ugly, leaving friendship marred if not irreparably damaged.

And so I've been taught to have no expectations.  The problem is, I'm a sinner.  I do not do as I should: to look to Christ expectantly, knowing if I align my expectations of Him with the truth of His word I will never be disappointed.  So I'm still fighting the battle of consistent disillusionment.

To compensate for this, I've inverted my expectations.  Instead of expecting everything of everyone, I expect the opposite: and that is not nothing.  The opposite, I have come to realize, is to expect the worst: they won't like me, they'll get tired of me, they'll get frustrated with me, they'll leave me, the won't love me, etc.  This too is sinful.

So how do I return to the middle ground?  Answer: there is no Land of Non-Expectation.  Expectations are there, and perhaps they have a place.  After all, is it wrong to have the expectation that my family will love me, that my boss will show up for work, that there will be consequences if I blow off responsibility?  Of course.

It's time to filter my expectations through a new lens: How do I define my expectations in light of Christ's work on the cross for my salvation?  Through grace and mercy, by which He chose to save me (a sinner and a wretch).   Instead of viewing others through the sinful lens of selfish expectation, I (a sinner saved by grace) must unselfishly see others through the lens through which God sees me: through His son.