An open letter to Eharmony

Dearest Eharmony,

You do so many things right. I appreciate your 29 dimensions of compatibility, your endearing and slightly obnoxious commercials, I've even bought into your "science of love". But dearest, there is one fly in the ointment. If it's not resolved I fear I may have to leave you for the open arms of match.com or plentyoffish...

This is not 8th grade and I'm not the poor, lonely, desperate wallflower anxious to not be picked last for the spring fling. The days of growth spurt potential are far behind, and in fact, what's more present these days are receding hairlines. I'd prefer not to be up close and personal to one on a date. The fact that you want me to play Nicole Kidman or Katie Holmes to your Tom Cruise does not sit well with me.

I'm tall, and I'm confident. I enjoy my height. It makes me look slender when I'm really heavily average, it makes it easy to see to the front of the line in crowds, it looks great in a pair of bootcut jeans... But it doesn't look great matched up with an extremely short male.

At first I thought it was a fluke. I thought you were trying to teach me a lesson, dearest, like the one that I'm apparently destined to date musicians. I can come to terms with these small lessons, given with a bit of sugar. But then I changed my settings. I saw there were tall men all over this great country, though most of them seemed to be located in California, Wyoming, or Montana. I was encouraged by the number of over 6 feet tall matches! Surely they can't all be outside of Washington!

Dearest, you assured me, promised me even, that you'll never match me with someone that doesn't meet my criteria if I push the settings to the maximum. I did and how do you reward me? With a 5'3" male. Seriously? Did you forget that I'm a woman? Did you get confused or are you trying to be ornery?!

Please notice my settings and hold up your end of the promise. I promise not to leave you if you will please just send me matches over 5'11. I'll even concede to a match that's 5'10 once in a while in the spirit of compromise!

Lovingly hoping you'll change,

Katie