That age old question...

Perhaps it isn't an age-old question, but I do feel like it's the question of my generation: "WHAT should I do with my life?" Ugh! It's reared its ugly head again. I have been contemplating school again. This time for a paralegal degree through Athens Technical College. The thing is, I don't really know if I want to be a paralegal... Right now it would be better than being a legal secretary, but in the long run? I don't know. What I do know is that it still feels somewhat asinine to go to school to get a two year degree when I have a four year degree from a reputable college and I can already DO the paralegal job in most respects. The rest I could learn in a month or two tops of on the job training.

Sooo, the degree isn't expensive, but it WOULD be time consuming. Some days I wake up and think I should just be a nanny. I am really good with kids. But really what I want is to have my own children. I can't plan or prepare or school or career my way into marriage and family, so what do I do? I keep plugging along and trusting God's plan.

His plan for me feels like long-term singleness. I don't like dating. I mean, sure, it can be fun, but really it's a lot of frustration and questioning and being blindsided when all seems to be going well with the seemingly inevitable "this isn't working". I can do single. I'm pretty good at it. I know how to budget, cook for one, be a friend to other singles, get along with marrieds and enjoy others' little ones... In a way it's easy for me. But I still feel like I'm missing out on something. There's something there, just beyond my ken, that's what I'm supposed to do with my life: whether it's motherhood or an awesome career or ministry or mission work, I don't know, and I'm so longing to know! 


Well, it doesn't seem that today is the day to find out, so I need to go refocus; spend a few minutes praying, reading my Bible and reminding myself that Christ finished the work, He is sufficient in a way I can't fully fathom, and He has a perfect plan. I need to learn to listen. To Him.